Kavanaugh and Collective Trauma
I watched anxiously as Dr. Christine Blasey Ford was sworn in. What I saw on her face that morning was a look of terror, of frozen, almost, but not quite paralyzed horror. It’s a look that I so frequently see on the faces of those being confronted with trauma. It was the face of so many women (and men) I’ve witnessed sitting across from me in my therapy office.
Few periods in my therapy practice have been as memorable and as challenging as the days and weeks leading up to, and after Dr. Ford’s testimony and the Kavanaugh hearing. My phone rang constantly, the emails came in fast, furious, desperate, late into the night. My bold, brave, courageous, and often deeply hurt clients were, one after the other, reaching out for help. Through clenched jaws, fisted hands, tearful eyes, they spoke out.
They all have different stories, no one trauma is like the next. But what they all have in common is the brutal and indisputable denial of their humanity by their assailant. As if though this was not sufficient injury and grief for any one human to endure, so many of them were further humiliated, dismissed and even blamed by the few people they confided in. Their parents, their teachers, the cops, or the court of public opinion, be it at their school, their job, or the vengeful arena of social media. This “secondary” trauma is often what lingers long after they have physically if not emotionally, recovered from the assault. The reason for this, is that that narrative, so often played out in front of us, has the capacity to sneak in and confuse you into thinking it’s your own voice.
I call this the internalized voice of a toxic patriarchy, of misogyny, of rape culture.
I explain to them that despite all the work we’ve done to combat the markers left behind by trauma (flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and avoidance), there is a more insidious, lurking danger we must address. It is the danger of that voice, the one that all of a sudden can creep up and take charge. You know the one I’m referring to, the one that despite all the work you’ve done to heal and recover, still says “it was my fault”, “it wasn’t that bad”, “I should be over it by now”, “no one will believe me anyway”, “I shouldn’t have….. (insert one of: been there, wearing that, doing that, etc.) That is the voice of internalized rape culture. That’s the voice of a culture steeped in toxic masculinity and misogyny. And that’s the voice that rang loud and clear for so many of us during these hearings. Kavanaugh’s indignant anger, Grassley’s attacks and condemnations of Dr. Ford, his apology for the pain caused to Judge Kavanaugh, and the countless other traumatizing moments of that hearing — they all perfectly summed up and put on international display what we’ve all been told all along. That it didn’t really happen. And if it did, oh well, it was sort of your fault anyway. That you should just deal with it, get over it, stop lying, stop making up things that didn’t really happen. Stop talking about it, stop making this a thing. It is precisely that voice and narrative that we need to challenge and change. I say let’s put that voice on trial, not your experience of trauma.
These last few weeks have been exhausting. Draining. Re-traumatizing. The collective trauma is palpable, simmering right under the surface, visible right under the skin of so many women’s faces I see. On the street, in the train, at the store. I can sense it just under the surface, silently boiling, desperate to come out.
Despite this overwhelming evidence of the trauma all around us, here is what I know and what I remind my clients of every day: Time is up. We are no longer sitting quietly shaking in the night with that voice relentlessly screaming at us from within our own mind. We are no longer staying quiet to the trauma that is often equivalent with being a woman in this world. We are no longer accepting the things we thought we couldn’t change. We are speaking up, we are speaking out. We will refuse to be silent. We will stand strong in the truth of our stories and demand the world listen. No longer is denial or polite avoidance an option. If it wasn’t clear to you before, let it be clear now: we are all Christine Blasey Ford and the time to tell the world what really happened and to finally extricate that toxic narrative from our minds and from the collective consciousness has come.
I invite you to look at your story, not just your symptoms, in the eye. Challenge and question your narrative and interpretations of how it all happened and how you are coping. Be on the vigilant lookout for that sneaking voice of internalized oppression. And if you find it, I invite you to be as ruthless with it as the Senate Judiciary Hearing was with Dr. Blasey Ford.
If you are feeling triggered, please reach out. There are many, many resources out there and you deserve to be heard, you deserve to be witnessed, and you deserve to heal.
Please visit these resources:
RAINN Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network offers support, information, services and referrals for victims. They have a 24/7 hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673) and text line.
National Sexual Assault Hotline has operators and resources standing by. Services also offered in Spanish.
National Sexual Sexual Violence Resource Center offers a wide variety of information relating to sexual violence including a large legal resource library.
Psychologytoday.com is a directory of mental health professionals where you can search for providers by specialty, zip code, gender, and insurance coverage, among others. You can also read detailed profiles of providers to help you find a therapist that is right for you.
Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner(SANE): offers sensitive, caring, and supportive care following a sexual assault. Their website provides a list of Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) programs in each state. These specialists are registered nurses, who have advanced education in forensic examination of sexual assault victims.
Hope Exists After Rape Trauma offers therapeutic and other resources for trauma survivors, including victim to victim retreats.
Safe Horizons also offers a hotline, resources, and many types of aid, including a program that will help you assess your home for safety, develop a safety plan, and provide locks for your home.
National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women is a project of the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence and hosts a resource library with materials on violence against women and related issues.
National Organization For Victim Assistance oldest national victim’s assistance organization.
GLBQT Domestic Violence Project Website, information and hotline for GLBTQ victims of domestic violence and their families. They also have a hotline 800.832.1901.
the Network la Red hotline provides emotional support, information, and safety planning for lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer and/or transgender folks, as well as folks in the BDSM or Polyamorous communities who are being abused or have been abused by a partner. Support available in English and Spanish. Hotline: 617.742.4911.
Womenslaw.org provides information about restraining orders and other legal protections for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.
Take Back the Night provides legal support for survivors in every state. Referrals to counseling, support, legal aid, hospitals, and nearest TBTN Event Holders. Hotline: 866.966.9013
